I am not a fraud

I’m not a fraud

I do not take my words lightly

My poetry isn’t always about love

It is not always about heartbreak

But my heart beats a little faster when it is broken

So I write about heartbreaks more often

Poetry isn’t always about that guy

My poetry isn’t always about him

My poetry sounds a little dimmer when Elohim turns his back on his own

I feel like a waste of space

Like I have been given the power to speak but every time I speak, I speak about the little things.

Like how I can’t breathe, every time he leaves me

When hundreds of people are dying near me

I’m not a fraud

I write about how I feel

But sometimes words fail me

When everything that is happening around me seems like it is out of my control

Control isn’t what it takes to speak

Speaking takes courage and I am a coward

Speaking takes balls and I haven’t played with one since I was two years’ old

I’m not a fraud

I want to address every little thing that is going on in my country

My country is eating me up alive

My country is killing my brothers and sisters

My country is more than the lands and the trees I understand that it’s the people

And the people are the reasons why I am crying every single day INSIDE

Because my tears fail me when the troubles I feel are more than what I can comprehend,

I can cry for a heartache

I can sing a sonnet

For the lost guy

But for the lost brothers and sisters

My mouth fails me

My eyes stay dry

Because sometimes when your heart swallows you out

When you do not know what you’re talking about

Your tears refuse to sooth you

Because tears are there to sooth us aren’t they?

So when that guy leaves you by telling you that you and him can never be

Because he isn’t in the right place and never will be

And you trust him

And he turns around and takes that girl

Who sings and writes poetry just like you

And call her his boo

Your tears suffice

Your tears become your lullaby

They don’t hurt you, they help

I do not want to help myself by crying about the dead

I can’t cry for the lost boys

Lost boys need to pain me

Lost boys need to make me feel weak

Need to make me feel worthless

They need to make me feel empty

I won’t narrow them down to my tears

Just because I want to feel better about myself

I pray

More often than not it is about myself, I apologize

I want to write about change and rage that is within my belly like the fire from the genocide

Yet I’m silent

But I am not a fraud